January Reflection--Embrace Your Solitude 🌻

Reflection: Embrace Your Solitude. 

On a rainy Tuesday night, I walked into a friend's apartment where I was crashing. I say crashing in the most literal way possible. In early December, I jumped off a cliff into the unknown and I have been free falling ever since. I could hear the echo of my footsteps bounce against the walls. This was the first time in a long time that I felt alone. I wanted to run. To call someone. My phone was the life jacket I needed to save me from drowning further into this loneliness. I slowly picked up my phone when I heard a near silent whisper say,

"Embrace this moment."

I slumped on the bed and curled into myself. I let my mind wander. I explored every shaky, creaky crevice. Relived the good times and the bad. I swept away the cobwebs from parts of my mind that I hadn't seen in years.

I flipped my hands exposing the dirt under my nails. I was the hive and the pain circled me like honey bees. Relentless. I felt ever sting so vividly yet with every sting my pain would die a little more.

I took a breath and dove deeper. There is where I found my spirit. Cowering in a corner, she caressed me so gently and whispered "I have been waiting for you". Her hands felt like sunshine after the rain, warm towels on a winter's day, the kiss of my first lover. Her touch was orgasmic. More pleasing than any man I had ever been with. She poured water over me. Cleansed me like the River Jordan. I cried. Promised her all her dreams would come true. Promised her I would never let her bow her head to anyone ever again.

The next day, I awoke without yearning for companionship, because  I could hear her say, "Good morning Queen. I love you!" I could feel everything I needed inside of me. We walked into the rain hand in hand. Heart as one and all I could think was... 

"This is what I have been missing"

Being alone is such a scary feeling, but if you never allow yourself to embrace your solitude you will always find yourself looking for something sweeter, something greener, something better when everything you truly need is waiting inside of you.